Everybody Has One

What is this ridiculous lady-protective freak of nature on the left, you may ask? That's what I'm asking, at least. This, my friends, is a

thong-shaped panty liner. This may be totally commonplace to many of you, but I bought a box of them by accident (being a never-wearer of thongs myself) and think it looks like a bizarro snow angel. I was just about to go off on the silliness of French packaging, until I had another look and saw

that...right, it's in English. And if I had paid extra-special attention to the tiny, uncomfortable pair of underwear on the box's end (pictured at left, zoomed-in for visibility), I would have determined that "tanga" is secret code for "thong." Anyone with sexier underwear habits than mine want 28 minuscule panty liners? Just give me a shout.

On a side note, the fact that I've downgraded from pads to panty liners deserves its own little celebration. The bleeding seems to have pretty much subsided (knock on hardwood floor).

So, beta news. Today's level is down to 19 mIU/ml. Dr. S wants me to test again next week, and hopefully by then I'll be down under 5, in the negative range. It's such a strange feeling to be wanting something to grow, and then to shrink a couple weeks later. According to Dr. L in New York, now that my beta is down under 50, I will probably ovulate in 2-3 weeks, but really, who knows. Also odd is that if I peed on one of my ultra-sensitive pregnancy tests today, it would probably still come out positive. Still. I wouldn't, of course; no reason to waste a test and mess further with my emotions, but it is unsettling to think about.

I was reminded today of the quote I've heard before (which, oddly, I couldn't find in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations online, but a little googling pointed me to Dirty Harry): "Opinions are like assholes...everybody has one." This is, as anyone who has been there knows, just as true in the infertility and loss arena as anywhere else. People who are well meaning and love you, and whom you love, want to tell you how to feel, how to handle it, what to do, and when. I hear it's the same with pregnancy and babies; I'll let you know when I get there. One of my favorite human IF resources brought this back to my attention, and even though N and I are not on the IVF path at this time, it rang pretty true. I've gotten such varied reactions from people, some unexpectedly heartwarming, and others surprisingly unsupportive. The teacher (and the snarky brat) in me wants to give each person we've told a grade on their response, just to catalogue. I wouldn't necessarily post them on the wall like French universities do, for all to see...but maybe I would.